I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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