Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
