as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
