One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
