I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
