i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
