hell yes lets make some ravioli
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
