I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
