we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Randomize
