she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
