she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
