yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
