Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
