no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
