hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
