Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize