obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
