I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
