You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
