Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
