Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
