i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
