Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
