just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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