my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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