2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Every concussion has its silver lining
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize