We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
