how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
