Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
