I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
