Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
