roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
