giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
they're like a gay fantastic four
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize