Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
vagina is talking i cant
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
