It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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