Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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