nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
