My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
