Is it normal to miss your booty call?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
