Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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