Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize