a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
