I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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