When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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