Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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