I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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