i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize