is your mom at the bar?
I wish you could order shots online.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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