You don't have asthma, your pregnant
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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