just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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