So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
