my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
