I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
