Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
