Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
