omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
