Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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