He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
