Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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