take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
