Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
