How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
