I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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