I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We have started to decorate penises.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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