i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just high enough for therapy.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
