hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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