i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
