My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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