so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize