omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
