Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
