just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
