Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
