Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
