I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We are two peas in an std pod
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
