wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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