Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
The beer is more important than you right now.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
