I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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