Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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