hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
