so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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