I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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