I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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