I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
