i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
