you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
