i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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